Voices In My Head
by klcm
Summary: Morgan has an inner battle about his feelings for Garica...


**Disclaimer: I own nooothing! Neither Criminal Minds or song**

**A/N:**_This was wanted... the carry on for __**Talking To The Moon**__... I'm thinking this is gonna be an a mini arc... It's not necessary to read that first if you haven't, but it fits it in =)_

_Some lyrics are cut out..._

_Enjoy..._

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Voices In My Head -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek paced his room back and forth before he stopped by the wide window, he hadn't yet drawn the curtains and he had been making marks on the wooden floor boards for hours now.

He couldn't stand still. He had to pace, back and forth, and back and forth.

He didn't want to stop.

Didn't think he could either for that matter.

He was in love with the one woman that made him tongue tied, that made him lose his cool.

Derek Morgan could get any woman he wanted. He could smirk, wink, speak a small insignificant word, make a useless word... breathe, and a woman would drop to his feet. Yet every time he went to get Penelope and make her his, he lost it.

His heart would thud harder, his lips would go dry, his brow would bead with sweat, his hands would turn clammy and his mind would freeze. He'd lose his cool and with his perfectly formed words and sentences.

He knew he was in way too deep when all those physical effects happened.

**All alone in my room  
waiting for, for this phone to ring  
I just know or am I imagining things  
the voices in my head keep saying  
(the voices in my head)  
she's coming back to you**

To say the least, Derek would talk to himself; he'd ask himself the same mill of questions. He'd wonder, ponder, procrastinate until his head hurt.

The thing was his head always told him the same thing.

"_Tell her! Tell her! Tell her!"_ One part of him would scream.

"_You love her! You love her! You love her!" _Another inner Derek would tell him profusely.

"_She deserves to know,"_ a rational voice would speak, _"she deserves the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth."_

"_It's three little words. Three tiny words."_ A more serious voice would speak.

"_Then again, she might laugh at you. For three little words you could sure lose a lot."_

That would be it.

The seed of doubt planted.

Derek would yet again fall captive to his own head, his own disbelief, and he would lose his confidence for once.

He'd realise that love really wasn't easy.

**Is it strange that I talk to myself (oh oh oh oh oh oh)  
Is it weird when I hear someone else (oh oh oh oh oh oh)  
What do I do (what do I do)  
Is it strange I believe them again (oh oh oh)  
Voices in my head  
The voices, the voices, the voices  
Voices in my head  
The voices (oh), the voices, the voices**

"It's Penelope, for Christ sake!" Derek would say irritated, his voice falling flat into the empty dark cloaked room. "You've told her you love her before. She responded."

Derek would look for responses in the dark, as those waiting for the answers to his worries to glare at him.

"You've both told one another you love each other. It's nothing new." He'd say, making himself believe he was talking to the sleeping dog and not going completely crazy and talking to himself.

"Every waking moment you want with her. You cannot deny that. You don't see other women attractive any longer. Things have really changed. When was the last time this bed was used to achieve a new notch?"

Fact. His bed had been womanless now for a good 5 months.

"You love her!" The voice he liked the most shouted again.

It was the truth, that was a fact, there were no if's, buts or maybes. He loved Penelope Garcia without a doubt.

Yet he continually felt withheld.

**Is it strange that I talk to myself (oh oh oh oh oh oh)  
Is it weird when I hear someone else (oh oh oh oh oh oh)  
What do I do (what do I do)  
There's no more you (there's no more you)  
And I tell me you'll be coming home (coming home)  
Is it strange I believe them again (oh oh oh)  
Voices in my head  
It's gonna be ok, it's gonna be ok, it's gonna be ok  
Oh just gotta get through the day  
It's gonna be ok, it's gonna be ok, it's gonna be ok  
Oh i just gotta get through  
The voices in my head (the voices in my head)  
Keep saying she's coming back to you**

Derek looked at the moon. Penelope loved full moons, and as a result, so did he.

There was a beauty to it and he loved the way the gentle white light silhouetted her features. As it ran down the course of her brow, down the curve of her nose, over the ruby redness of her lips, down the slope of her neck.

It was moments like that, when they'd sat out under the stars that he'd cherish. Penelope was at her calmness, at her least haunted and he got Penelope Garcia, the romantic, the pure optimistic, the believer, the true Penelope.

He began to look over his years. He'd done nothing to make her believe that he was looking for a relationship because he hadn't. He never wanted to settle.

That was until he came across one _Battle_. The one moment that threatened to tear the one person that meant the most to him away. It was that one ever growing moment that his body drained of life, as he had to listen to the voicemail telling him that she'd been shot.

It was that night that he realised he'd ran for too long. He couldn't hide anymore.

In that instance Derek sat up bolt right, his heart thumping against his rib cage, his mind ignited with a new fire, his body readying to go.

"You're gonna lose her. Just remember..." The bad voice spoke up and the fire went out and he slunk back to the bed.

He lay looking up at the ceiling.

Penelope didn't want him. He'd made no attempt to prove he wanted her and likewise, she'd done the same.

She might be single, but there was always that one element in his life.

The bane of his existence.

The knife in his gut.

The ice around his heart.

"She chose Kevin, not you remember."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Voices In My Head -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _A Morgan equivalent to Penelope's heart's desire..._

_Song: Bruno Mars – Voices In My Head_


End file.
